Always secure your keys or there will be hell to pay!

So on Friday afternoon after work I took a buddy, who was in town from Vegas, out kayaking on the Columbia. We launched out of Chinook Landing about 4:30PM and spent a couple of hours making our way up the river to the mouth of the Sandy, drinking some beers and catching up. So I am usually pretty paranoid about losing my car keys. I usually zip them into the pocket of my splash jacket and have never had an issue. Well, with the nice weather I haven’t bothered to figure out a better place to put them. I usually just pop them into my short pockets. Thinking this wasn't the best idea I decided to put them into the pocket of my PFD. I wasn't fishing, well not much, and this pocket in my PFD I keep my leader and sunscreen. After departing the ramp and paddling up river about a mile we made a stop at an island to stretch our legs a big. There was some leader working its way out of my pocket, so I pulled it out to rewrap it and put it back into my pocket.

So we continued on and made it to the mouth of the Sandy. I got the fishing report from a boat in the hogline and turned back toward the ramp. With the wind picking up a good bit we made it back to the ramp pretty close to dark. Once on the ramp I realized I had no keys.Of course they were no where to be found. I had spent a lot of late nights at work that week and my wife was less than thrilled about me hitting the river with a buddy after seeing little of her Monday thru Thursday. I’d promised to be home by 7:45 so we could have a little movie night. So I was not particularly excited about the call I was about to make.

Ring…ring….

“Hey honey, how’s it going?”
“Good, I just got home. Are you almost here?”
“Umm, not exactly………….so turns out I might have dropped my keys in the Columbia.”
Long pause…………………..”you’re kidding me.”
“I wish.”
“Well do you know where your spares keys are?”
“Umm, I knew exactly where they were before we moved.”
Another even longer pause………..”do you have any idea where they MIGHT be?”
“Maybe in a box somewhere?”
“That’s not very helpful.”
“Sorry.”
“Let me look for them and I will call you back.”
“Okay.”

Fast forward one hour and a couple of phones calls in between. 
“Okay, I found them.”
“Awesome! You’re the best!”
“I hope you don’t think you’re still going to go fishing on Sunday.”

So the wife makes it to the boat ramp by about 9:00 with the keys and is actually pretty pleasant about the whole thing. So I think, wow my wife is so understanding. Little did I know she had other plans.

So Sunday rolls around and I’m informed that not only am I not going fishing but I have to go with my wife to return the duplicate wedding gifts and pick out new bedding and artwork for the house. I tried to tell her anything was fine, but she said she wanted my opinion. Great. So we hit Target, Home Goods, Target, Macys, JC Penny, Kohls and probably a few others I’m blocking from memory. It was 7 hours of painful key payback. And Home Goods? What a god damn terrible place. It’s filled with nothing but crap and there are just a bunch of crazies running all over it hording all these ridiculous objects. Actual picture.


So it turns out that picking out bedding is nearly impossible. From my recent education all of your bedding has to go well with your bed, bedroom paint, window trim, house, wall paint, floors, curtains, and the four seasons. If that wasn't hard enough, the duvet cover has to go with the sheets but they can’t be the same color, they must complement each other, or something. God then the freaking wall art, I really can’t explain that to you at all, other than to let you know that to just put framed photos on the wall is insane. I still don’t really know why.

So moral of the story, secure your keys to something or else your wife will revoke your fishing pass and torture you with bedding shopping.

And yes, my wife fully revoked my man card. So what? I'll fish without it...

that's brutal.

If I thought that might happen to me, I would walk home. Don't care how far. Let's hope karma serves you up some large fishies to even it out.

Dayum.  Mine go in a watertight diver's box and then clipped inside hull via the RodPod.

Bingle Jells.

Damn that is rough!

Next time, have your buddy punch you in the face and tell her you were mugged while trying to help an old lady across the street.  Also, the mugger took the keys but luckily, couldn't find your car because you lied about where it was at.  Oh, and you had your wallet hidden in the kayak.  Phew! Good thing you were kayaking.  I don't know your wife but I sure she will believe you.  Remember, a strong marriage is built on a foundation of little white lies.  At least that is what all my divorced friends tell me.  They should know, some have been married couple of times.

-Craig

Wow, that's straight torture. There was once a story about some crazy ol' dude named Noah. As the tale goes, this dude put two of everything onto an ark that he built (guess that might make it sorta the first kayak, or close). Anyhow, I'm thinking as he was gathering two of everything, he should have told Mrs Noah, he was taking a test run and would be back for her in a bit.

Guess things could have been worse Noah, but I don't know how. 

You could always pierce your Johnson and run your key ring through that ring.

That wouldn't work though if your wife makes you leave it at home when you go fishing or shopping.  :-)

I miss Kinison.

That dude cracks me up!!!!

You could always pierce your Johnson and run your key ring through that ring.

That wouldn't work though if your wife makes you leave it at home when you go fishing or shopping.  :-)

I miss Kinison.

Keys? Seems I remember something about kayaks and keys

http://www.northwestkayakanglers.com/index.php/topic,2502.msg22981.html#msg22981


http://www.northwestkayakanglers.com/index.php/topic,5179.msg53999.html#msg53999

I haven't seen my man card in years ;o)

That picture in the store gives me a headache. I hope you didn't buy too much merchandise there.

I was guilt of having too much fun fishing last week while my wife was working. Saturday she said she "would help me make a list." It's a big list.

OMG!  She doesn't mess around.  For Sins of the Leopard (Self Gratification) she sent you straight to Cocytus?!?! 

Don't ever cheat on that woman!

-Spot-

Thanks boys. Lots of good advice there, sorta  .

Ling Banger-
Is that what you boys do on the coast? Thanks for the Kinison clip, I haven't seen one of those in years.

Keys?? HIDE A SET  SOMEWHERE ON YOUR VEHICLE.. because It Will Happen Again..

Yo Noah,

You did get married!  Congratulations.  You didn't mention if you got any bites. 

Yo Noah,

You did get married!  Congratulations.  You didn't mention if you got any bites. 

Haha, I sure did! No bites, I was just tossing a crank bait along the shore for bass a bit.